March 12, 2017

Changing or maybe not.

I guess I come here only when I need to speak out without thinking. Maybe that is the very reason I created this blog. A space for me to speak, exactly the way my mind speaks. I do not need to filter it as per social norms or any approved word lists. There are so many instances I speak to myself just looking at the mirror. This again gives me that freedom to speak my mind and not worry about repercussions.  Maybe you would be doing so too, at least I wish to believe so, in my last attempt to appear sane.

I even have a label here on the blog for all these ramblings which my mind throws out... it is quite a few. Better here than bottled up.

How different people become over the years, and when those people are close then it affects the equations which you once shared with them. Its sad that human beings keep changing and what your feelings and emotions are today, won't be the same after a few hours even if the surrounding picture is unchanged.

Then it makes one wonder whether if it is just you changing that you seem to perceive the changes in others, changes which might actually never be there.

I am unsure which is the truth, maybe it is a bit of both. I strongly do believe that its difficult to not change through time. What say?

November 18, 2016

When you just do not have answers

I remember when I started to read blogs, and gingerly stepped into the world of blogging when I was still in college, I used to read a blog called Just a mother of two... many would know she is an acclaimed writer now, and her blog, page and social media have changed a billion times in these 7 odd years!

And from there to now... to think of it, now I am a mother of 2. I certainly don't think that I am anywhere close to what I remember her days to be. My days are purely a scramble, and full of squabbles, where mostly I do not even know why I am fuming. I just have no energy at the end of the day, but I still do not feel I have done one thing which I will look back at through the day which just passed. And I feel sad about it.

Shouldn't you be thrilled and happy about each day which has passed? Or is that meant for just books and narrations from unknown folks?

Some days I feel I should be working towards some goal, but I do not see the time or motivation to take out time from the crazy day to work towards these goals.

Then who am I blaming?

I do not think this is a phase and it will pass, it is something which I need to change.

July 22, 2016

Something always on the cards

When I moved to Bangalore, and when I was staying on my own, one of the first things I did was to go to CUPA and adopt a cat. I have always been a dog person, and even today, I am one. I just didn't think I would have the time and dedication or discipline required to have a dog. And I did not want to put a dog through the troubles, because of my indiscipline.

Named her Whisky and she was with me for over 2 years. And then marriage happened, and then I knew that I would not be able to be for her as I wanted to be, and I thought about how I would be able to give her that place she was so used to in my life. And, somewhere deep inside, I knew I would not be able to do it. And it was a decision which I believe was one of the most difficult for me, to give her back to CUPA. I didn't know anyone who would be willing to take her in, and letting her be was not something I believed was an option.

Today, for some reason I felt like going back to CUPA just to see whether she is there, or has she been adopted. How is she doing? This is not the first time I have ever thought of it, but the guilt which was ridden me when I think of going back and seeing her, I just can't get myself to do it. I rather just live in the belief, a wishful one, that she is doing fine.

There are many other days when I think I should now get a dog, but I doubt that will ever happen. I am not sure I will be that dedicated a person with T & V also in tow. Which makes me think maybe another 5 years down, I shall be able to manage. It would be like taking another baby on, but the love and affection a dog shows is just something which I have never seen any other animal shower a human with. Makes me crave for it. A little selfish maybe, but I can surely return a portion of that in some form, or so I believe.

All said, I don't see it feasible before 5 years...  so shall rethink and hope at that time.

May 29, 2016

Book Review: Sialkot Saga by Ashwin Sanghi

The title got me intrigued... it did make me look up some history too. Spanning across the life of 2 men, from childhood to adulthood. It is set in an India which I have become familiar with and one which I have seen change in front of my eyes. How crime and politics and money are all interwoven in a warp like state.

As I proceeded with the book, there was a fair bit which made me think this could be made into a movie for sure. And, with a great deal of the story based in Mumbai, the chances seem quite a bit. The story moves very fast and how the characters are built is very interesting, with a great deal of information being thrown at the reader but yet not seeming to be too much.

This is a book about the different men of India and their roles in the society... and in the process the book has given very limited if not a passing character make up for all the female characters. I felt there were some roles which could have been emphasised upon, but the author chose to reveal the plots rather than build on the female roles.

Overall, I enjoyed the quick read, even though quite a few pages to cover here. And knowing the India of today, it creates a connect and brings about a sense of familiarity.

Rating: 3.5/5